In My Own Skin

Sometimes I write just to know what I think. I put what I think in public places because I believe my friends are the coolest people on the planet and hearing what they think about what I think totally enhances the original think. Yeah – I know you got all that.

***Remember those books where you could make a choice and the next page you turned to depended on that choice? Well, I am giving you that option here. To follow my bananas train of thought, read straight through. To get straight to the end result, scroll down to the white rabbit.

I like video games, cigarettes, a great drink, jalapeno Cheetos, a stunning tan, my tattoos, cold beer, cable tv, hot showers, expensive makeup, hair dye, caffeine, red meat and a whole host of other indulgences that probably do not allow me to function at my peak.

I like the idea of growing a garden, more organic ingredients, being smoke free, a regular gym experience, sunscreen, meditation, a more natural existence, less technology, slower pace, fuller participation in the now and a whole host of other indulgences that would boost the general functioning of my being.

I hate talking about this kind of shit because it drives me crazy when the inevitable few see their one cause in my whole list of stuff, they decided to fashion a quick club and beat me over the head with it. Seriously? Like we don’t all know the amazing dangers of texting while driving and that jumping off a tall building can maim you pretty good or eating nothing but chocolate cake will probably create a waistline issue.

I love information. I detest information in a vacuum. I love interaction and support. I detest when one person’s armor chink serves as ammo for a full on assault by those who have fashioned this area up fairly well while ignoring the gaping the holes they have elsewhere.

I am a whole person. I have ideas in one area that are not practical due to other areas. I have needs in some areas that are exhaustive because of desires in others.

In my skin, I am not a checklist. I am a holistic being with more facets than I even know about. And light from one may create a shadow on the other. And just because our shadows are different doesn’t make us less than the other.

Am I thinking about quitting smoking? Sure I am. Would love to put that out there? Sure I would – most eyes that hit this page will be amazingly supportive. Do I need 12 comments about lung cancer, the health of my children, the cost of the dirty habit, the damn ice caps melting, the polar bears dying, the aliens who refuse to come to this planet and give us the secret to life because I lit up a Marlboro – um no. Does the fear of failure scare me to death? Sure it does. Does that make any attempt of self improvement harder? you bet.  Do I love hugs and loving ass kicks? I sure do. Am I looking forward to the OMG, SMH, tisk tisk, UGH responses that follow a failed attempt at working towards an idea that serves as another’s sacared moo cow? No.

I have it in my head that I want to live a certain way. I don’t know exactly what that way is, but I know how it feels.

Now that the kids are back in school, there is a bit more flexibility in my day. I can only tackle one thing right now. Emotionally, financially, mentally, physically – one thing is my limit.

I am giving myself 24 hours (well actually maybe only 12 or 18) to choose. Your thoughts would be beautiful (as long as you didn’t skip straight to the white rabbit).

  • YMCA Schedule
  • Give up the smokes
  • Sunscreen

And that America, is your top three. They have made it through the elimination process of, can’t, won’t, are you freaking kidding me.

This whole process was supposed to be centering and clarifying – maybe that comes later?

Awesome White Bunny courtesy of Matti Mattila


  1. Sunscreen.

    Definitely Sunscreen. Low hanging fruit. It’s the easiest, least expensive and will offer the quickest results.

    Then smoking.

    You will be able to perform better at the YMCA if you are not smoking.

    Good luck.

  2. Low hanging fruit?? Damn Glad, when you are right you are right. And when you put it that way I may have to make it two things…

    With friends like you 😉

  3. Well, since you asked 🙂 I love the top 3, wonderful options!

    I say Smoking 1st –
    reasoning: sunscreen is an awesome idea – but, I feel that I can always spot a smoker in a crowd – and it usually has something to do with their skin.. it just does mean things.

    Every time you want to reach for a cig.. reach for that bottle of 30 SPF instead 🙂 2 birds.. 1 stone!

    You rock!

  4. Tami! You blog!?! I love it 🙂

    And the smoke/sunscreen idea…utter brilliance. And as beautiful as you are, I will take it as sound advice 🙂

  5. Ahhh I reread my post! The “spot the smoker” bit – I defiantly couldn’t spot you as a smoker! You look EXACTLY the same way I remember you, which was like 15 years ago! I think I just mean, in general – its awful for such a pretty face 🙂

    Love your blog, btw! I think my sister Jennifer would love it too – super funny!!


  6. Tami, you are too sweet and I will just say thank you and not call you a terrible little liar 🙂 I rally was glad you see your blog. What an amazing woman you have become – such a luck man he is 🙂

    Haven’t seen Jennifer or your folks in forever! Hope everybody is doing good 🙂

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