She quit the club

My Savannah came home from first grade last week and was not in a good mood.

“She quit the club.”

You see, my Savannah has created the “Best Friends Club.” It is a special thing to her. She would like everyone to be in it and is trying to rope her daddy into building the clubhouse in our backyard. We will see how that goes.

After some discussion, the bones of the story is that my daughter’s club is in turmoil. It seems to have a revolving door retention problem. While most of the club seems happy to play tag and collect rocks, there is a fringe group. One little girl left because another little girl left because the wrong nickname was being used. Another left because the clubhouse wasn’t ready yet. This latest episode involved a debate over club ownership.

It struck me how representative this is of adults. I belong to a few organizations and they are wonderful! However, I am sure we have all seen “the fringe.” These are those folks who are going to find the negative like they have “poo poo radar.” Then, instead of working to resolve the problem, they leave. Or worse, they stay and try to make life miserable for those around them. I am not going to spend anymore time talking about the characteristics of these folks or why they are the way they are. I learned a long time ago (ok – maybe not that long ago) that I can only control my thoughts and actions.

That’s when I realize (again) the brilliance of my daughter.

“Honey, if she doesn’t like that nickname, you really shouldn’t use it. That would upset me too.”

She already knew this. After the little girl had quit the club, Savannah went to her and found out why. She then apologized for hurting her feelings and said she wouldn’t do it anymore. Both her and the girl that left with her are back.

She also went to the girl about the clubhouse. They decided that since they couldn’t build the clubhouse themselves and since they already had the playground, that was good enough for now. She’s back in the club too.

The little girl who wanted club ownership got her way. Now, while I am not crazy about this (previously it was an all for one ownership), I think Savannah’s thoughts were, “Who cares who owns it as long as everybody is in it?” For a six year old, I think I will leave this one alone for now.

Communication is a wonderful thing. When we genuinely care about what others think, how they feel and what they want, we can accomplish a sense of unity and collaboration that would have been unattainable before. Amazing things happen when move away from placing blame and move towards making progress. I’ll admit I was proud to watch my six year old navigate through situations that make many adults stumble. Maybe there is a learned trait there that is special to adults. If so, I hope she never learns it.

*Photo credit to Sue RB


  1. What a smartie! At that age, proprietary matters are not important (that comes in the teen years), rather that they can communicate well enough to resolve matters and mind others’ feelings.

    April, you’re obviously a good mommy if she was able to resolve this without prompting.

    This is so common in adulthood, EVEN in the blogiverse. There’s always a struggle for control, for measuring up, for being recognized for who we are and a struggle to get along. Call me crazy, but we could take a page from the Savannah book- calm, cool and collected even when her feelings were hurt. What a problem solver!!!

    • Lani,

      Thanks – though I must admit, I was a bit impressed myself. And while I won’t take all the credit, I will take a little piece ;)Now if she could only bring those qualities into she relationship with her sisters, I would have it made…but I think that is asking too much 🙂

  2. Sounds like a cool little girl.

    Staying tuned for the fallout from the new high priest of the Best Friends Club if the clubhouse is in fact built in your backyard 🙂

  3. You must be so proud! What a great story, and metaphor. I find it amazing how much we can learn about ourselves, both our strengths and our areas to grow, from watching our kids.

  4. Athol –

    You and me both. And she is…one of the four coolest I know.

  5. Dylan –

    I am! Still chewing on the “ownership” thing, but I think that is another lesson for another time.

    I am awfully glad you stopped by. You have a one way ticket into my feed reader now that I have found your site. I am sure I will be picking your brain!

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