Christmas Eve Instructions

Those versed in the military way of life will appreciate this. Those who aren’t, I am sorry I had to post this. I recieved this from a client of mine whose husband is currently serving in Iraq.

JaeLynn – Thank you! Many blessings you and Seth. I hope he enjoyed the coffee and can share a cup with you very soon. He is always in our thoughts.

MEMORANDUM FROM: MG CLAUS, Commander, Joint Arctic Operations Detachment

Subject: Distinguished Visitor
Date: Sunday, 16 December, 2007

1. An official visit by MG Santa (NMI) Claus is expected at this headquarters 25 December 2007. The following instructions will be in effect and govern the activities of all personnel during the visit:

a. Not a creature will stir without official permission. This will include indigenous mice. Special stirring permits for necessary administrative actions will be obtained through normal command channels. Mice stirring permits will be obtained through the office of OSURG, Veterinary Services.

b. Personnel will settle their brains for a long winter nap prior to 2200 hours, 24 December 2007, Uniform for the nap will be: Pajamas, cotton, light, drowsing, with kerchief, general purpose, camouflage; and Cap, camouflage w/ear flaps. Equipment will be drawn from CIF prior to 1900 hours, 24 December 2007.

c. Personnel will utilize standard ration sugar plums for visions to dance through their heads. This item will be drawn from the servicing dining facility.

d. Stockings, wool, cushion sole, will be hung by the chimney with care. Necessary safety precautions will be taken to avoid fire hazards caused by carelessly hung stockings. Unit Safety Officers will submit stocking hanging plans to this headquarters prior to 0800 hours, 24 December 2007, ATTN: AEAGA-S, for approval.

e. At the first sign of clatter from the lawn, all troops will spring from their beds to evaluate noise and cause. Immediate action will be taken to tear open the shutters and thrown open the window sashes. DCS G3 Plans (Saint Nick), Reference LO No. 3, paragraph 6c, this headquarters, 2 February 1995, will be in effect to facilitate shutter tearing and sash throwing. Division chiefs will familiarize all personnel with procedures and are responsible for ensuring that no shutters are torn open nor window sashes thrown prior to start of official clatter.

f. Prior to 2400, 24 December 2007, all personnel will be assigned “Wondering Eye” stations. After shutters are thrown and sashes are torn, these stations will be manned.

g. DCS G4 will assign one each Sleigh, miniature, M-66, and eight (8) deer, rein, tiny, for use of MG Claus’ driver who, in accordance with current directives and other applicable regulations, must have a valid SF 46 properly annotated by Driver Testing; be authorized rooftop parking; and be able to shout “On Dasher, on Dancer, on Prancer and Vixen, up Comet, up Cupid, on Donner and Blitzen.”

2. MG Claus will enter quarters through standard chimneys. All units without chimneys will draw Chimney Simulator, M-6, from DCSENG, for use during ceremonies. Chimney simulator units will be requested on Engineer Job Order Request Form submitted to the Furniture Warehouse prior to 19 December 2007, and issued on DA Form 3161, Request for Issue or Turn-In.

3. Personnel will be rehearsed on shouting “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night.” This shout will be given on termination of General Claus’ visit. Uniformity of shouting is the responsibility of division chiefs.

Classification: UNCLASSIFIED
Caveats: NONE

Comments

  1. oh April, this is great.

    Hugs for Christmas 🙂

  2. I liked it too! Big hugs right back at’cha

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